You know you've been watching too much porn ..

[laura.]

When you right down your monthly outgoings there is usually £50 for your monthly LP spend

[xmal-fuckland]

When you are at work talking about what girls you think are stunning and who you are attracted to and you can't say Evelina Darling, Crystal Greenvelle or Emily Thorne

another version of that, which i often have to negotiate, is performers' kit; tops, lingerie, heels, etc.

for example, i have have a close friend who is in a miltant feminist 'pussy riot' type band. and when i say feminist don't mean lame shirt-gate fainting-couch [spam] feminists, but serious radical ones who get peppered protesting outside the saudi emabssy. the lame ones giving the serious ones a bad rep so worth making a distinction.

anyway, she wanted some suggestions for kit for a big profile gig and i so wanted to say the top that ariel wears in her latest hookuphotshot scene.



and though my friend is totally pro non-exploitive porn and wouldn't have been phased by a porn link, to spare myself blushes i spent at least half an hour searching ebay, etsy, etc trying to find a link to one in a non-porn context i could send. and then gave up and sent her the above pic anyway, which was much appreciated.

perhaps my definition of an ideal partner is found in that dilemma.
a girlfriend who, when i offer to buy her some lingerie etc for valentines, sends me a link back saying she wants the full outfit as worn by arwen in pmao rs073. can you even imagine how cool that would be? her first point of reference being something like that?

as good as it gets...

[leeesparky]

When you have 2 Twitter accounts - a porn one and a non-porn one.

[Angel Eyes]

1) When your cock looks like it got a sunburn and is an extra inch longer when flaccid the following day from masturbating/rubbing/pulling/abusing it for hours the day before.

2) You find yourself stocking up on 6 or more tubes of Equate lube at Walmart because it is cheap yet still fairly good lube.

3) You have all four Tenga Flip Holes and all 5 Tenga Sleeves (hence the need for mass quantities of lube).

4) You budget for LP ticket purchases.

5) You check LP for site update daily at 0:30 GMT.

6) You plan days off/weekends around your porn 'hobby.'

7) You start a session at 11 PM knowing it will go to 2 AM or, with any luck, 3 AM.

[BoobJesus]

Since becoming a fan of LP two years ago there surprisingly have been a few instances where I've spotted the acronyms 'DP', 'DAP' and 'TAP'—no joke!

[laura.]

1) When your cock looks like it got a sunburn and is an extra inch longer when flaccid the following day from masturbating/rubbing/pulling/abusing it for hours the day before.

2) You find yourself stocking up on 6 or more tubes of Equate lube at Walmart because it is cheap yet still fairly good lube.

3) You have all four Tenga Flip Holes and all 5 Tenga Sleeves (hence the need for mass quantities of lube).

4) You budget for LP ticket purchases.

5) You check LP for site update daily at 0:30 GMT.

6) You plan days off/weekends around your porn 'hobby.'

7) You start a session at 11 PM knowing it will go to 2 AM or, with any luck, 3 AM.

I obviously can't correlate myself with points 1-3 of yours lol but 4-7 are so me, espc number 6. Finding suitable LP time is so deeply embedded into my daily, weekly and monthly schedules. I have cut back on the mega sessions of late and usually limit myself to 2-3 hours max although often it's 30 mins. My days of 6 hour porn frigging sessions are long since over, and although they were magical, I actually feel better for finding the balance between that and doing more wholesome things.

Just out of interest, and we're all masturbating adults on here, is #3 like a Flashlight thingy? X

[xmal-fuckland]

when you get a diem25 tweet of yanis varoufakis in your feed and you wonder whether to post it in giorgio's model suggestions thread.

he's the ultimate euro stud that got away.



the girls at 'mozarella mammas' are creaming their prendisoles for this bad boy.

http://www.mozzarellamamma.com/2015/the-return-of-the-sexy-brilliant-bald-guys/

[kidloco2]

When your friends are suggesting the most beautiful girls they know and they wanna get laid with and you really have to shut up because the only names you can suggest are from LP's model database, honestly all of them. .

And even if you will say a name, nobody will know her.

[kidloco2]

And now a really perverted but honest one:

When you see a nice girl and your friend tells you, "hey, that's a pretty ass, isn't it?" And you just say: "Hm, okey" and you immediately start asking yourself in your mind: "Will she take two or three dicks in her ass in Giorgio's scene? "

[Angel Eyes]

3) You have all four Tenga Flip Holes and all 5 Tenga Sleeves (hence the need for mass quantities of lube).

Just out of interest, and we're all masturbating adults on here, is #3 like a Flashlight thingy? X

The Tenga Flip Holes are similar to Fleshlights but made to be more stimulating (interior nodules/bumps/terrain to stimulate) whereas Fleshlights attempt to replicate how a vagina feels and looks. The Tenga Sleeves are lower priced and simpler than the Flip Holes: they are essentially flesh-like socks used to stroke oneself. The Holes and Sleeves are designed to be reusable 50+ times if cleaned properly. My experience is that is a fairly accurate estimate.

Getting a Flip Hole two years ago was my first 'toy' purchase ever. Since then I've amassed the whole collection to have a variety of stimulating options. That said, I do not use them every day: they are used for planned sessions where I have 2-4 hours set aside to really relax and enjoy myself. This means they see use about once a week or every other week. I've also developed favorites with the white Hole being my top choice then the red Hole (the hole colors white/red/black/silver all have a different feel). The sleeves I rarely use would not purchase again (I got all five as a bundled collection purchase). After using the Holes, the Sleeves are simply just not sufficient enough for me.

[laura.]

Thanks for the insight, very interesting:) Nice to see guys are getting catered for more and more in this market, we have had a million and one devices over the years while you have been overlooked. x

[xmal-fuckland]

Thanks for the insight, very interesting:) Nice to see guys are getting catered for more and more in this market, we have had a million and one devices over the years while you have been overlooked. x

the legendary sarah lucas has never stopped thinking of us...

'chicken knickers'


'bitch' (two melons, vacuum-packed kipper, t-shirt, table)


'two fried eggs and a kebab'

[leroisoleil83]

When you go to buy a 4K TV (because you don't need a new computer, which would cost tons more) and the sales attendant chuckles at you when you've asked the question "You're sure this has internet access?" a few too many times - 'cause he knows why you're asking the question.

[leeesparky]

You get back from a weekend away and the first thing you do is check what scenes you missed on Friday and Saturday.