ZiziMinuscule2 wrote:Starrio wrote:ZiziMinuscule2 wrote:BTW, I've never had a girlfriend and I don't want anymore. I just wank about 10 times a day and I pass hours and hours watching porn. It starts to impact my work and "relationships" (I mean family and friends, no serious "relationship").
I've given up psychiatric medication as it didn't work for me. The doctors made serious efforts to help me, but simply didn't work. I don't care anymore. Just want to sleep and wank. Someone must take care of my cats and my mother, but sometimes I think it would be better to diseappear.
After all, it's a true crime to want to have a relationship and to share your life with a woman with whom you don't need to feel ashamed of your body and mind, right ? A fucking crime. A sin.
It sounds like you just need to build some confidence and let go of the past, I recommend doing meditation. I have a close friend that had problems with drug abuse, and meditation helped him get rid of those things he identified with that worked against him and kept him as an addict. Those insecurity thoughts are not different. He used to sleep on the streets, and now he owns his own house with a large home theater, a swimming pool, and an outdoors jacuzzi. It is basically a battle between your conscious mind and your subconscious, so you need to train your mind with meditation so it doesn't take over your life and soo you can regain control. It takes time, but it is worth it. Sign up for vipassana at least, do one of those 10 days retreats, and slowly try to regain control. Everything in life is perspective, and sometimes it is hard to choose a different one, but ultimately that's all it takes.
Hello, Starrio. Please, be informed I do appreciate a lot Your input. Heartwarming yet substantive and factual. I will keep Your words in mind for sure even if I feel I got too powerless to act. That being said, I know this kind of capitulative attitude is, in fact, a kind of laziness.
Next up, & I don't want to sound like a dick... but if you're not working, you might be amazed at the self-esteem the RIGHT job might give you. Now if you've been out of work a while your options might be limited, but if so, might be limited in a good way. Say you had opportunity to be security guard? To re-learn self-discipline, to set the alarm for 6AM, the pride in getting that first pay packet... the pride in your dear mothers eyes... now of course you don't want to be packng plastic for 12 hours a day with some cunt overseeing you. Fuck that.
Please never think Govt schemes are a solution either. In my 20's I was troubled. I had degree, was handsome, at 25 should've been at peak of my life, go-getting etc like most. But I volunteered to do voluntary work as a carer for old, sick, infirmed, handicapped. At pinnacle of my life. Do you think I was appreciated? I was laughed at... "there's something wrong with this guy"... especially by those I was working with. They hated fact that I chose the path they were forced on. It says much for my essential self-esteem that I could make such a sacrificial act when other guys my age were all about mortgage, self-interest, money, drink, getting laid... years later I can stand proud at my courage to follow principle, but at time the reception I got just dragged me down into despair. I thought I was going crazy, thought I wasn't good enough... for anything.
Only when I emigrated to London at 27 & started over again, labouring, did my self-esteem return & new ideas & possibilities. And it built from there. I've never looked back. You're too old to emigrate & start again if you're md-30's IMO. But do try for a real tough fucker of a job if your health allows it. You'll feel blue collar self-respect, which is beautiful (even though you might have the sensibility, which I thnk you do have, of a vey sensitive soul). Its beautiful because you'll just know, "I can fucking cut it".
Take care again.
Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2022 10:19 pm
