Romulus wrote:I'm a porn addict and have been trying to overcome it for the past ten years. Talked to a therapist about this recently and had a good cry about childhood issues. I use porn to get high and escape memories of my past. I am uncomfortable with real intimacy and love and use porn to feel something like warmth for myself.
I like extreme porn because that's the kind of stuff that feels normal to me. I like hard anal ramming, face fucking, and seeing women being degraded. That's why I'm here. I like some pornstars , but never really cared about them beyond seeing them getting fucked really hard. I cringe when I see guys falling for pornstars and becoming obsessive about them. Ultimately, I think there is a huge disregard for humanity in porn, which is why I try to overcome it. I suspect many of the actresses and actors have their fair share of issues as well. It's also quite obvious from the facial expression and body language that many of the actresses don't enjoy the things you can see here. It's a job for them, nothing more. It's quite rare to see genuine enjoyment from them. It's great to watch, when they do enjoy it.
I used to be very depressed about my porn use, but my therapist recommended me to accept and welcome it until we worked through my stuff. I don't feel so bad about watching it anymore. I am even more confident in everyday situations. It's like my inner porn addict is glad that I've stopped judging him and am finally paying attention to him.
So yeah, my porn use is rooted in sadness and I'm to self-aware to ignore the emptiness and artificiality of porn. It's something that helps me to deal with pain, but also causes pain in itself. I want to escape it in the long run, but for now, I'm glad there are sites like this one.
It's pretty hard to escape your memories from the past, when you periodically keep recalling and re-living them. Because recalling and re-living your memories is the way to refresh them and keep them strong.
You only start to forget, when you move on to something new so much, that you don't feel like thinking about your past anymore. Lack of recalling and re-living is what makes you forget.
If your experiences have been real in the past, then you need new real experiences in the present to help you move on. Watching porn can't solve your problems, because this experience isn't real enough in terms of your senses. You only watch with your eyes and listen with your ears. But the rest of your senses don't participate. Which makes it less than real.
There is a saying that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And it's true. But it's also true that the other person's humanity is in the eye of the beholder too. You can either look at porn women as real women and fall for them that way. Or you can dehumanize them in your mind and look at them the way you do.
I think it's possible to see the humanity in women, when you deliberately choose to look for it and focus your attention on it. Because women are real human beings. Their humanity is there to see.
Looking involves filtering the things that you see and putting your interpretation on it. That's what two different people can look at the same thing and see something totally different. This is most evident in reading for example. If you look at Chinese characters, and you don't know Chinese, than it looks like gobbledygook to you. But for someone who knows Chinese, it looks words and sentences with real meaning.
All looking is like this. You put your meaning and your interpretation on it that comes from your mind.
But it's not something that you have no choice in. Because you can deliberately learn to look and interpret in a different way from the way you did before. You can learn Chinese, and Chinese characters won't look like gobbledygook to you anymore. And you can learn to see the humanity in women, by focusing your attention on that deliberately looking for it.